Fresh
New blog. New lease of life.
I find myself time and time again, forgetting who I am, unsure of who I want to become. My thoughts accelerate in my head and anxiety overwhelms me. I look back now and realize, the one thing I've always relished is putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). I lost track, got carried away, distracted by "proper ambition", busy with growing up, moving around - ultimately forgetting what has and always will mean so much to me - words and writing.
So here we are -
There's been college - 4 whole years in the Great Big White - living in 3 cities over the past 8 years from home - and now here I am, a trader on "Wall Street" (I hate that term) in New York, living with my boyfriend in my Manhattan apartment. Am I happier than 7-8 years ago since I last blogged? I don't know. Have I changed? By leaps and bounds.
I'm at a crossroads in my career. I've been on 3 different desks since I started - technically you could even say it's 4 desks but let's not go there. Again, I find myself stalling, unhappy, unbelievably stressed out, dissatisfied and arguably underpaid. I'm asking again for a change, in what would be my fourth desk in four years. I feel like this is the right thing to do - to move forward, rectify the past, and embrace a new challenge in order to hopefully find the right fit at last. I also feel like I've gone no where in my career, constantly hitting the next button after the first verse, never making my way to the end of the song. I'm scared. I'm scared this new change puts me in a position that makes me particularly susceptible. I may not have much at the moment but at least I have something and having something means having something to lose.
Is this the make or break? If something happens, do I pursue something else? Do I finally say "fuck money" and go after my dreams? Or is that just what stupid new generation kids say?
I really don't know but I guess I will find out.
I find myself time and time again, forgetting who I am, unsure of who I want to become. My thoughts accelerate in my head and anxiety overwhelms me. I look back now and realize, the one thing I've always relished is putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). I lost track, got carried away, distracted by "proper ambition", busy with growing up, moving around - ultimately forgetting what has and always will mean so much to me - words and writing.
So here we are -
There's been college - 4 whole years in the Great Big White - living in 3 cities over the past 8 years from home - and now here I am, a trader on "Wall Street" (I hate that term) in New York, living with my boyfriend in my Manhattan apartment. Am I happier than 7-8 years ago since I last blogged? I don't know. Have I changed? By leaps and bounds.
I'm at a crossroads in my career. I've been on 3 different desks since I started - technically you could even say it's 4 desks but let's not go there. Again, I find myself stalling, unhappy, unbelievably stressed out, dissatisfied and arguably underpaid. I'm asking again for a change, in what would be my fourth desk in four years. I feel like this is the right thing to do - to move forward, rectify the past, and embrace a new challenge in order to hopefully find the right fit at last. I also feel like I've gone no where in my career, constantly hitting the next button after the first verse, never making my way to the end of the song. I'm scared. I'm scared this new change puts me in a position that makes me particularly susceptible. I may not have much at the moment but at least I have something and having something means having something to lose.
Is this the make or break? If something happens, do I pursue something else? Do I finally say "fuck money" and go after my dreams? Or is that just what stupid new generation kids say?
I really don't know but I guess I will find out.
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